You're my little dorito
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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