I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
