We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize