honey bunches of taint.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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