I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
