Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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