tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
