Im at strip club and am horny
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
