he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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