I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
