ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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