went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
