i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
