so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
