I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
