tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
