Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
