I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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