I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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