just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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