That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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