Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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