I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
