Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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