he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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