OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
