Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
