We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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