Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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