you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
