he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
