every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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