I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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