You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
