He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
