mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
