He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
