the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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