dude i'm inner monologue high
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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