too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
