Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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