If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize