People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
