Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize