so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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