Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
