I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize