I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are all done wearing pants today
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
