he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
