your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize