he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
