She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
