i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
