how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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