just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
