I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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