dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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