I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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