Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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