dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
