chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize