I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
