I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
