Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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