$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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