I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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