My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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