Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
