I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
