Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
