i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
