1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
