garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
