That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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