FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
