How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
