I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
