"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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