I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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