I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
