Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didn't shave. On purpose
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
