I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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