Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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