also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
