oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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