somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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