so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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