your thong is hanging out like whoa
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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