this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
