Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
