FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
