are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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