smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
