i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
