well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
