You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
