We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
