Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
