I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
