Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
