white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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