you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize